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World's Best Advice for your Common Cold!

126. Repost of fictional Common Cold speech (part 1)

Over The Counter cold remedies

your local pharmacy is chock full of over the Counter Cold remedies, selling for billions of $$ per year.


[NOTE from Peggy The Doctor’s Wife: this is a fictional humor piece, not a real speech, nor a real convention. I do not know how accurate his data is, but appreciate the author’s questioning of the ethical motivations of the huge market for cold remedies]

Opening Remarks From The 87th Annual Common Cold Convention

Jan. 23, 2013  By Jon Methven info

Members of the pharmaceutical industry, our preventative sanitizer affiliates, advertising executives, medical personnel, hot liquid ingestion representatives, regurgitation and diarrhea experts, our disposable nasal mucous wipes constituents, and, of course, our esteemed Washington lobbyists — I’m happy to report that the common cold is alive and well.

Thank you, thank you. Okay, settle down. Please, take your seats.

Alive and well is a conservative estimate. More like blossoming and fantastic. In 2012, members of this convention grossed more than $24 billion from people either trying to prevent or cure the common cold. And because there were 617 deaths attributed to runny noses last year, the anxiety produced is projected to gross us more than $27 billion in 2013.

Please, if we keep up these standing ovations we’ll never make the Holiday Inn happy hour.

Now, before we show the PowerPoint slideshow, which this year is set to a live performance by the Beastie Boys’ “Time To Get Ill,” I’d like to mention a few highlights of the 2012 cold and flu season.

First, when the bonanza hit last February — a goldmine of three different strains of virus circulating the country at once — it was our New York advertising affiliates who saw the opportunity and introduced Involuntary Flatuhicculitis, a virus that causes hiccup-esque flatulence. The advertisements were shown at two in the morning, when only the social media addicts and hypochondriacs are awake. Even though it does not exist, the disease spread through social media like wildfire, leading to 217,000 confirmed cases and at least 17 deaths. The folks at Pfizer even got a new patent antibiotic out of it. The City of Scranton was quarantined for three weeks. A round of applause for Flatuhicculitis. A lesson to us all — let’s be more proactive about exploiting hypochondriacs through late-night infomercials.

Second, I’d like to acknowledge the flu virus proponents. Every year, you folks convince a willing populace that your inferior serum will prevent sickness. Every year, people pay for the injection and get sick anyway. The next year, they all line up in workplaces and pharmacy kiosks to drop another $29.95 on your placebo juice. Keep up the good work, you sick [*&$#!s.]



98. Who(??!) conducted the study that shows Beer chemical helps colds?


beer has hops with chemical Humulone which the BEER company funded research to find that it may help fight off common colds.

….just like the zillion other ingredients that have been promoted the past few decades said they MAY help the cold too (but didn’t) end result is probably that the beer sales go up a bit. Sadly I doubt that ANY of the encouraged drinking of beer will be beer that has been WARMED UP to actually help fight off the virus.

But on the other hand those with colds who are inspired by this to imbibe more,  will maybe get more sleep? 

But on the third hand, they wake up, with a hangover, dehydrated, and worst of all, in their virus and alcoholic stupor they did not plug in their vaporizer to breathe the beneficial warm & steamy air all night while they snoozed.

Prediction: Bad Remedy. drinking more beer will make your cold worse.

— Peggy the Doctor’s wife.


REPOSTED from  and video

Japanese brewery Sapporo conducted a study that discovered there is a chemical compound in hops (what gives beer its bitter taste) that can fight off the common cold. Problem is: You have to drink a lot of it. Challenge accepted.


The chemical in question is called humulone, which can provide an effective defense against a virus that can cause severe forms of pneumonia and bronchitis.

I’m not sure I believe that; my friend once felt a cold coming on, tossed an Airborne in his beer, and subsequently caught pneumonia. But perhaps he just hadn’t drank enough. That may actually be the case, because in order to really get the benefits that humulone provides, you’d have to drink about thirty beers.

On the one hand: cold free! On the other: you’ve ruined every relationship you’ve had and you’ll never find love.

Trade-off, I suppose?

Anyway, the discovery now has scientists looking at ways to bring humulone to the populous in other ways. Putting it in food, drinking water, etc., to increase our resistance to the common cold.

Because not everyone’s going to take the thirty beer challenge just to fight off a cold.

Question: Thirty beers, huh?


70. Cold virus questions, how soon to have sex?

The discussion below is another example of how little most people know about common cold care. So many questions because most people have very little information about it. When we don’t understand how the virus works, we don’t know what to do, what is ok or not.

Germs! we are not sure what the exact definition is, but we include cold viruses as some of them.

I like the answer about changing the bed sheets to clean ones. It just fits in with normal good hygiene, which has been shown for centuries has a general beneficial impact on good health, even when we don’t understand why.

And, even though the virus are invisible to us, and most people don’t really understand what a virus is anyway, we can imagine the “germs” (technical definition?) all over everything.

This is a common sickness YUCK factor. If I don’t know what to do, at least be clean, and wash my hands, my body, my clothes, my bedsheets. That always makes us feel better.

But really… that’s gross to think of this cold sufferer inviting a partner to have sex on a bed that he/she was sleeping sick on for the previous 3 days. Posting name is “Yummy Cookies” but that sounds more like a guy to me…..Ewwwwwww….  (my gender prejudices showing here)

On the other hand, perhaps it illustrates the bad side effect of a cold being to drain one’s energy. Being exhausted and worn down from a cold that drags on, often depletes one’s energy. So in survival mode, we want to see how much we can conserve energy and skip normal tasks.

The sufferer was exhausted the week before, which was probably not all from the actual cold virus invasion, since incubation is about 2 days for cold viruses.  More likely, the tiredness ran down his/her immune system to be more susceptible to the cold.
On the third hand, at least Yummy Cookies asked advice first, so maybe I switch my gender guess.

Repost from November 27, 2012 from Yahoo

Open Question

Yummy cookies Yummy cookies

I had common cold and symptoms dissappeared a day and a half ago? Am I good for sex yet?

I’m worried I might still be contageous.
I think I was tired a lot the week before this one, so that might have been the dorment phase.
I had enough energy to go out and exercise yesterday. I think I feel fine this morning.
If I do have sex, should I change the bed?

Additional Details

Oh, I just had a small cough. Is that bad?

Answers (2)

  • I think you looking to far into this. If you feel fine and up for it go head.
  • Not ready.I’d wait at least 3 days after the sore is totally gone.

    Of course change the bed.