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World's Best Advice for your Common Cold!

127. Repost part 2 “Speech from Common Cold Convention

CONTINUED FROM PART 1

Over-The-Counter common cold remedies

do they really work to get rid of your cold? Or are they just very expensive placebos?

 

Repost from www.ThoughtCatalogue.com

(NOTE from Peggy The Doctor’s Wife: this is a fictional humor essay, but I appreciate its critique of the ethics of the hugely profitable, yet ineffective, cold remedy market for the pharmaceutical industry

Third, our beloved lobbyists. We appreciate you continuing to dispel rumors that a cure for the common cold was invented in 1952. It was not. And if we occasionally come up with a cure for the common cold, please know that it’s simply because we ran out of marketing ideas.

Lastly — and relatively new members to our brethren, who are quickly attaining a reputation as earners — I’d like to acknowledge the creators of the magic elixirs, who have convinced people they can stave off the common cold with vitamin C powders, magic bracelets and even magnetic toe rings. Stand and take a bow. I speak for this entire auditorium when I say we are truly looking forward to your line of tattoo cures in 2013.

I know we’re all excited to get to the happy hour and toast our good fortune, but I’d like to reminisce for a moment. I don’t mean to get sentimental — we all know the danger of contracting conjunctivitis from public crying. But whenever I see people sharing a ChapStick, or an obviously non-monogamous couple kissing in public, or someone ordering a draught beer in a seedy bar — it brings a tear to my eye, not to mention a ka-ching to my soul, because I know the state of the common cold is strong.

Okay, enough dripping eye and nasal secretions all over each other. Queue up the PowerPoint. And because this convention is flush with cash, I present to you at a ridiculous cost the one, the only, Beastie Boys.  [cue music band ]

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